One thing I most look forward to and daydream about is the future. I love thinking about who I could potentially be, what my family life might be like, and how I am going to design the interior of my first house. Almost everyday, I get lost in the idea of whatever bright future I might believe God has paved for me. The future does not give me a sense of fear but more of hope, one that I can daydream about and aspire towards.
While I find no problem in making plans and setting goals for the course of this future I daydream about, in recent years, I have begun to see the error of my ways.
Let me be honest, it is easy to get caught up in this perfect world I designed for myself, where I get the job I am perfectly fit for, settle into a beautiful suburbian home I designed myself, and live peacefully with my family. But the problem occurs when the future starts to become more tantalizing than the present. I start to lose myself in desires and lack presence of what is my reality: now.
How can I enjoy what God has given me now if I am always stuck thinking about the future? God has given me a home, a family, a plethora of close relationships, and several opportunies to grow and challenge myself, and they are all happening now.
I have had to remind myself many times in this past week alone: "Enjoy this very moment, because God has given it to you."
While rafting in the waters of the Middle Fork of the American River, I caught myself getting lost in the thoughts of my upcoming future. Once I was able to acknowledge my slip up, my tune changed from melancholy to ecstatic. Not only was I surrounded by God's beautiful creation, as seen in the evergrowing trees and greenery surrounding us, but a few of my loved ones and I had conquered class four rapids together!
And since then, thoughts of the future crept into my mind. I meditated on what kind of mother I would be whenever I took control of watching my nine year old niece. I allowed my focus to shift on upcoming dorm preparations instead of enjoying dinner with my family. I let a wave of sadness overwhelm me when I thought of spending two weeks apart from my boyfriend when he was right by my side.
It dawns on me that this has always been a challenge in my life. When I was a little girl, I looked forward to my high school days. When I was in high school, I could not wait to experience college. And now that I am a college student, I desire to start my post-education life and focus on my future career.
Seeing as there is always a future to come, no matter what point in my life I may be, there will always be this challenge. However, not only do I have a God who has paved a path for me but One who has also given me moments to live in now.
This day is His. Every day is His. And every day to come is His.
I should live by this truth and His promise.
